Adventure 9: Learning to play pool!

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Hello guys - so sorry, about the lack of posting last week, I had the unfortunate combination of being ill and having to work a lot, so this commitment kind of fell behind! But I did technically do a new thing this week so I hope you are all proud.

This week, I was one of those people. I went on a 'learn how to play pool' date - like Serena and Dan in Gossip Girl. Ahahahaha LOL except I don't look like Blake Lively......

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I also would love to be that girl who pretends to be awful so the boy will teach her and then turns around and is actually already amazing. But I'm not, I'm actually just awful!

As a date idea though, it's pretty cute, and I had a lot of fun. Pool is apparently all about angles, and hitting the balls at the right angles (no immature sniggers at the back please), and I was never a natural at maths so it's not my strong point... I kept positioning myself in the right position (seriously why are there so many innuendos involved in playing pool?) to hit the ball right, but not the cue, so everything kept being slightly wrong. So I wasn't necessarily awful, I just wasn't the best. 

The rules are simple enough to understand, just after watching my boy and his friends play pool, I can't imagine ever being good enough! Even by the end of the night it was taking me about 5 minutes to take the time to decide my position and what angle to attempt (and miss) to hit the ball, while they've done all the work and potted it in about 20 seconds. Some of them might have been flukes but they're flipping stylish flukes, while I'm that person clomping along in shoes way too big for me.

However, even if you don't get any better at the actual playing of pool, the boy will probably have a great time watching you bend over the pool table, and you can take great advantage of this. Silver lining, always a silver lining.

Step 4: I went on a date

I guess this week, is kind of a big step. For me anyway, as I've been on very few official 'dates.' In the past, mostly, I've been involved with someone before we eventually go on a date. 

I think that's reasonably common at University, and at school I guess, you mostly already know the people around you, it's a pleasant little bubble of easily meeting people and new involvements. At the beginning of this year, even a few months ago, I didn't mind that I was leaving this bubble, because I had the love of my life and so why would it matter if I was leaving? I would never need to meet anyone again. So that didn't work so well for me, and I've been feeling extremely lost as I was suddenly thrown out of all of my protective bubbles - hence the inspiration behind this blog! 

Anyway, off topic - as you all (hopefully) know, my first post was about 'Tinder,' as much as I don't like to admit it, more and more people are meeting online now, and in that post I said it wasn't really for me, but right before I deleted the app a guy started talking to me, and we moved to Whatsapp (which seemed a bit less seedy). He was nice, sweet, cute, and we talked really easily, and on Saturday we went on a date. 

I was terrified. I was also slightly hungover, but that's not the point. We'd agreed a place to meet, and I was slightly earlier than he was, and when he arrived it was the hilarious scenario of us both knowing that we were in the same area, walking circuits around as we'd never actually met each before. If I was more comically inclined it could have been gold. Eventually we found each other, and we went to a very typical Oxford pub and had a couple of drinks, and if I'm being totally honest, the first hour, I was counting down to a time where I could feasibly say I had to go. That sounds really mean. Just in that moment I realised I was absolutely not ready for this, and there was no immediate spark for me. But after a while, I really relaxed, and it was a truly lovely date. We never ran out of stuff to say to each other, and he was interesting and a nice guy, and it would have ticked all the boxes of what you ask for from a date. He kissed me at the bus stop, and everything was comfortable, and pretty normal.

But I don't think I'm ready. I'm not ready for a lot of things. But I'm glad I went, if only that it showed me that I'm not ready, and I should wait for something amazing again, and wait til I know I'm in the right place in myself to commit to it. Right now, I need to rediscover myself, because otherwise I'll just be grasping at something for validation, and I really need to learn to validate myself.

I guess, some steps might be steps backwards, but they still always teach you something. 

'Adventure' 1: Tinder

So, at some point last year, a few of my friends and I downloaded Tinder as a joke, to have a competition of who could get the most matches (my friend won only as another friend stole her phone and 'swiped right' on every guy in a 50 mile radius), we had a few laughs, mostly all deleted it, and didn't really think of it again.

But it was actually one of my first thoughts, as I began to adjust to being single. (*Ahem* - still not adjusted).

Something that I really miss about being in a relationship is having someone to talk to all the time - someone to tell about the random things that happen one evening, and just know that you can go on your phone and text any time of the day. So I decided to redownload Tinder.

After a few failed attempts, with the app refusing to let me log in (why do you have to log in with Facebook? I don't want to know if some guy knows someone I barely knew when I was 16?), I finally got it to work. I've been using it now for a total of 5 days. Below are my first impressions, and occurrences.

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1) Only one creepy guy from the offset ('Nice glowsticks ;)' referring to a picture where I had glowsticks in my top) and whom which I ignored. I was pleasantly surprised by the effort many guys put into their opening lines.

2) This dissipated quickly, as guys who appeared to be genuinely interested lost this interest if you didn't mention sex from the off, and suddenly interrupted a nice, amicable conversation with the wish of "wanting to f*** you."  

3) It's effective for a quick self-esteem boost.

4) It's reeeeeally hard not to be shallow. I attempted not to be when swiping, I clicked on each person's profile, studied each picture, read the bio, and tried to swipe right on a variety of people. However, as soon as I was matched with absolutely all of them, I seriously lost interest (I know, I'm a hypocrite) as I just couldn't pretend I found them attractive.

5) I muddled my way through chatting with the most hipster guy I have ever spoken to in my life, and had to google several of the things he mentioned in order not to sound completely stupid. However, I'm still suspicious at least one of those things was invented in order to catch me out. I'm not designed to be hipster. I just can't take it seriously. Nor can I blag my way through anything.

6) Also, I just don't have the banter for this. Honestly, in my bio it says "I'm not funny enough for this," and they all took it as a charming joke, and I was going to knock their socks off with my hilarious wit, but I was being totally, utterly honest. The only time I'm funny is when I say something accidentally, or when I say something really, really stupid. I can't banter. Note to anyone considering Tinder - work on banter skills.

7) The shallowness of it hit me again, as I got considerably less matches as soon as I removed a picture of me with visible cleavage, and replaced it with a happy picture of me and my friends on a beach. What's wrong with the beach, huh??

8) To be honest...It just isn't fulfilling what I want it to. It's probably too soon, but I'm already insufferably bored by it. Replying to the messages has become a chore, none of the conversations are flowing particularly, and despite several invites to drinks, coffee, and 'more', I am in no way tempted by any of them. One guy I feel slightly sorry for, I think I may be his only match and I don't mean to hurt his feelings by not replying to his offer of a drink. I just can't think of a witty excuse. Honestly though, it's not you, it's me. 

In conclusion, I think this was a bad one to start with! I'm not ready, and even if I was, I think I'd choose a different medium of meeting someone. I guess I'm a tad old-fashioned?

See you next week!

To sum it up....

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Hello everyone,

My name is Rhianna, I'm 21, I've just graduated with a degree in English Literature, I've just been broken up with, and I'm at a completely new and unfamiliar crossroads in my life. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I should be doing, what I want to be doing, what I could be doing - there's a lot of things I don't know.

Throughout my life there have been things I've been pretty bad at - number one (I would say) - is the art of making decisions. I just can't do it. Small decisions, big decisions - they all prove almost impossible for me to make. I'm also not great at being by myself, trying new things, and not relying on other people.
So this is my experiment. I'm going to try some new things, and I'm going to try and survive - and maybe flourish, who knows? - by being on my own.

My first post will be up on Sunday - and it will be about my venture into the world of Tinder. (I know, even looking at the word makes me cringe a bit, too) My first impressions, setbacks, and funny moments, that have all occurred in the past few days.

I'm new at the blogging thing (if you couldn't tell) but I'm going to try and make a separate page with my 'list' (that sounds ominous) so everyone can see it - and please, if you have suggestions - let me know!

Keep an eye out on Sunday!
See you soon,