Hello guys - so sorry, about the lack of posting last week, I had the unfortunate combination of being ill and having to work a lot, so this commitment kind of fell behind! But I did technically do a new thing this week so I hope you are all proud.
This week, I was one of those people. I went on a 'learn how to play pool' date - like Serena and Dan in Gossip Girl. Ahahahaha LOL except I don't look like Blake Lively......
I also would love to be that girl who pretends to be awful so the boy will teach her and then turns around and is actually already amazing. But I'm not, I'm actually just awful!
As a date idea though, it's pretty cute, and I had a lot of fun. Pool is apparently all about angles, and hitting the balls at the right angles (no immature sniggers at the back please), and I was never a natural at maths so it's not my strong point... I kept positioning myself in the right position (seriously why are there so many innuendos involved in playing pool?) to hit the ball right, but not the cue, so everything kept being slightly wrong. So I wasn't necessarily awful, I just wasn't the best.
The rules are simple enough to understand, just after watching my boy and his friends play pool, I can't imagine ever being good enough! Even by the end of the night it was taking me about 5 minutes to take the time to decide my position and what angle to attempt (and miss) to hit the ball, while they've done all the work and potted it in about 20 seconds. Some of them might have been flukes but they're flipping stylish flukes, while I'm that person clomping along in shoes way too big for me.
However, even if you don't get any better at the actual playing of pool, the boy will probably have a great time watching you bend over the pool table, and you can take great advantage of this. Silver lining, always a silver lining.
I guess this week, is kind of a big step. For me anyway, as I've been on very few official 'dates.' In the past, mostly, I've been involved with someone before we eventually go on a date.
I think that's reasonably common at University, and at school I guess, you mostly already know the people around you, it's a pleasant little bubble of easily meeting people and new involvements. At the beginning of this year, even a few months ago, I didn't mind that I was leaving this bubble, because I had the love of my life and so why would it matter if I was leaving? I would never need to meet anyone again. So that didn't work so well for me, and I've been feeling extremely lost as I was suddenly thrown out of all of my protective bubbles - hence the inspiration behind this blog!
Anyway, off topic - as you all (hopefully) know, my first post was about 'Tinder,' as much as I don't like to admit it, more and more people are meeting online now, and in that post I said it wasn't really for me, but right before I deleted the app a guy started talking to me, and we moved to Whatsapp (which seemed a bit less seedy). He was nice, sweet, cute, and we talked really easily, and on Saturday we went on a date.
I was terrified. I was also slightly hungover, but that's not the point. We'd agreed a place to meet, and I was slightly earlier than he was, and when he arrived it was the hilarious scenario of us both knowing that we were in the same area, walking circuits around as we'd never actually met each before. If I was more comically inclined it could have been gold. Eventually we found each other, and we went to a very typical Oxford pub and had a couple of drinks, and if I'm being totally honest, the first hour, I was counting down to a time where I could feasibly say I had to go. That sounds really mean. Just in that moment I realised I was absolutely not ready for this, and there was no immediate spark for me. But after a while, I really relaxed, and it was a truly lovely date. We never ran out of stuff to say to each other, and he was interesting and a nice guy, and it would have ticked all the boxes of what you ask for from a date. He kissed me at the bus stop, and everything was comfortable, and pretty normal.
But I don't think I'm ready. I'm not ready for a lot of things. But I'm glad I went, if only that it showed me that I'm not ready, and I should wait for something amazing again, and wait til I know I'm in the right place in myself to commit to it. Right now, I need to rediscover myself, because otherwise I'll just be grasping at something for validation, and I really need to learn to validate myself.
I guess, some steps might be steps backwards, but they still always teach you something.
