Step 7: Movie Marathon

Okay so as you can probably guess from the picture plastered across this post ... this week I lost my Star Wars virginity. For years it has been my fun fact - "I have never seen Star Wars," - enjoying the look of incredulity on people's faces and their tutted disbelief. I don't why I never saw it as a child, I think my parents' feelings towards the franchise are decidedly lukewarm, so they never saw the need to make me sit through it. Through popular culture, obviously, I learned many things; Toy Story 2, The Big Bang Theory, and Friends being the ones most clear in my mind. So I knew vague things, but this week, I did it. I made it through 'Episodes' (ugh) IV, V, VI and I. Yes, I watched it in the old school order.

I actually surprised myself, and quite enjoyed them! Some of the bits of the older films made me laugh for the wrong reasons, just because they're so retro now in some of the effects they use and the really old school CGI. My favourite thing to spot all the way through each film was the different effect they used to change scene which reminded me of effects on Microsoft Powerpoint, when the next page would slide across the screen, or slide upwards, or go out in a circle. They seemed to pick a different one of these options for each film, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Also the monsters/aliens that looked like they'd been made out of papier mache - I was a big fan! 

Another thing I really enjoyed commenting on (and probably really annoying the person I was watching them with) was Princess Leia's hair. She has very iconic hair, obviously, but all her hairstyles are very intricate, and as shes running around and shooting and being naturally very badass, all I could think was ... she must be using a lot of hairspray! (I know, I think I'm really funny) But in all seriousness, her hair never budges! I only have to run down the road with a ponytail before it starts slipping out, and I have really thick hair, so Princess Leia's mastery of staying power completely blows me away. They should market her hairspray, because seriously - I would buy it!


Another hair point... Luke Skywalker. The original Justin Bieber hair anyone? I just don't think he'd quite mastered the flick, so it had the tendency to do 'curtains' every now and again, but if Luke would just learn to spend as much time on his hair as Leia, he would be up there with Bieber status. 

 While we're on the subject of Luke, I also want to compare him to... Zac Efron. NOT because of the hair this time, but for rivalling his epic sulk. At the very beginning of Episode IV, you see Luke sulking on his little planet and being moody as anything about doing his chores. This teenage angst plus the swishy hair just made want him to start dancing and singing the classic 'Bet on It' from High School Musical 2. Sulky, 'why does no one believe in me' vibes right there.

Episode I, although it had better effects obviously, annoyed me slightly as they almost went too far the other way, and some parts of it almost looked like a cartoon. Specifically the bits with Ja Ja Binks, who I already expected to dislike and was not disappointed. Everytime (he? it?) talked I wanted to punch him in the face. 

Despite this though, I did really enjoy watching the films, and I'm looking forward to watching the last two, even though I know what happens. I never felt like I was waiting for any of them to finish, I didn't feel that any of them dragged, and they are obviously a cultural classic for a reason, and I guess I am glad to have sacrificed my 'virginity' of these films. It had to happen eventually. Although... I am going to have to think of a new fun fact.

Any ideas?

Something a bit different: The art of being confused

Picture credit: Pinterest

So I'm trying something a bit different this week, as I've really been struggling to do something new and exciting every week (I'm sure you haven't been able to tell with the direction my posts have been taking) and I don't want to keep slacking off until I end up not writing any posts at all.
So, I'm still going to challenge myself to do something new, just maybe only once or twice a month, but I still want to really dedicate myself to this blog, so I'm going to expand out with my posts, and just take it as it comes. I don't think it will ever fit into a specific genre, but when does anything really fit completely into a label? Good metaphor for life there guys - don't let anyone box you into a category. This is going to be a little bit of everything now.

So, without further ado, here is my first post of 'something different' - about being confused.

I'm beginning to realise that the age of 22 should be the year of complete and utter confusion. I'm not even quite at that age yet, I'm flailing in between the 'being a bit tired of being 21 now' and 'no 22 is such a dead end of an age,' but I'm already struggling with the confused part. 
Earlier this year I was so excited for this year, I kind of thought that any confusion would be out of my life, just gone, because I knew where I was going. Not what I wanted to do, true, but I knew I would have my boy and our life together, and I had no confusion about that.

However, it obviously turned out that he did, and the backlash of this has plunged me deep in the confusion pool, and I haven't always been the most gracious about it. But maybe this is okay. Maybe it's where I'm meant to be. Taylor Swift even writes the lines "we're happy, free, confused and lonely, at the same time," and "in the best way," about feeling 22, and that whole song for me is about embracing that exact feeling. Embracing everything you could be doing, and everything you could be feeling. 
For me, that's part of the problem, there is just so much that I could be doing, so many choices, decisions and options. I've never been the best at making decisions. That's a bit of an understatement actually. When I thought my decision was mapped out for me I fell into that comforting feeling, I jumped at the chance that I wouldn't have to make that big of a decision again, who wouldn't?

But now is a chance for me to think for myself again. Flail willingly and stupidly and repeatedly into this confusion. 22 is the age of trying every single option until you find the right one for you. Living in 5 different cities, working every different job there is, dating a different guy each month, and not for a moment ever feeling guilty for not knowing what you want. 

A lot of 22 year olds, myself included, will have just left full time education. University was a taste of adult life and freedom, sure, but it was like those taster science lessons at school where they would show you all the things you could blow up on your desk, or burn to a crisp with a Bunsen Burner, while when you actually got started you would just be copying out lists of food groups and safety rules. Sort of like taxes. Education, even if you hate to admit it, is like a parent. Comforting, secure and maybe a bit smothering, but always there to hold your hand. Now it's just shoved you out on a tightrope with a yelled "Good luck!" that you can't quite hear for the wind trying to dash you to the ground. 

So this is me saying that I'm going to do everything I possibly can to stay on that tightrope, and I'm going to have massive doubts, and regrets, and I'm going to make the wrong choices, and I'm going to do things wrong, but that's okay. I am here in this world to be confused, at least for right now.

I'm going to end with a quote from Shanelle Kaul: (she writes another 9 reasons about how great being 22 is here) 

"22 is basically the only age you can use as leverage. Meaning that because it's the exact age between life-as-you-know-it and what will later be known as 'real life' (that's scientifically proven, of course), people expect you to make some mistakes. Mistakes like overcooking a pot-roast or dating someone who may not be right for you. And that's okay, because heck, you're just 22."

Step 6: Autumnal meal and walk

This week was quite a slow week for me, I was working long hours and am depressingly poor until payday at the end of this week, and where I live it's hard to find anything to do when you don't have much time as it takes a long time to get anywhere interesting! So this week are some more very small steps.

1. 

The first thing I did (technically last week actually) was venture out to make s new meal! My mother and I had some friends coming round - a family of 4 - and it turned out the younger sister was a recent vegan, and knowing this, I immediately headed for 'Deliciously Ella!' I immediately found an easyish looking recipe (I was cooking for 6 people, I didn't want to challenge myself too much!) of Mushroom and Chickpea stew (recipe linked here). I didn't take too many pictures of the process as I ended up being in a bit of a rush (story of my life) but I swear I have never chopped so many mushrooms in my life! There were piles and piles all over the kitchen surfaces, along with a load of chopped carrots.

It looks a bit ugly in the pictures but I swear it was really nice! Not too complicated as it just requires a lot of boiling down (I didn't quite do this stage enough, so it ended up being a bit too much liquid). The chilli powder in it actually adds more of a kick than you'd think so be a bit aware if you have family members (like my mum) who struggle with even the slightest hint of heat in a dish.

2. 

My second step of this week was actually getting myself out of the house on my day off (I have a tendency to sit in my pyjamas being a lazy lump) and going for a nice autumnal walk! It was really sunny yesterday, with a nice kick in the air, and I suppose I can admit that living in the countryside does have its benefits. 

It gave me the perfect opportunity to be alone with my own thoughts for a while (doesn't happen much where I live and work), listen to a bit of Taylor Swift (no shame, her album 'Red' is my go to for all emotions, but most of all when I'm feeling pensive) and maybe take a few cheeky selfies.

A lot of the trees aren't properly turning here yet, so not all of the colours are out in full force, but it was still really beautiful, and made me appreciate how nice and important time by myself is. Although I don't mind my job that much, it requires a constant ability to talk to people and being perennially cheerful, and I love my mum, but she often gets the brunt of the bad mood that comes upon me after 8 hours of this! This isn't fair on her, or on me, so I think I need to set aside time everyday to just come to terms with myself.

Adventure 5: I did a photoshoot!

On Saturday I got the chance to be a model for a photography friend in my village (his website is linked here) and it was so exciting and exhilarating! I have never been super happy with my body especially, or the way I look, so it was a big confidence booster as well as being really fun.

At first I was really nervous, as he showed me pictures of different poses that we were going to try - there's a lot more that goes into posing for a photo than I ever imagined! Everytime I see advertising campaigns now I notice different things that he had explained. I got to get my make up done which was really cool for me as I really love makeup, and I'm really interested in it. The makeup artist was really lovely, although her English wasn't amazing, as I would have loved her to be able to explain all the different products she was using. My eyes popped out of my head when I saw all the makeup! 

This was the first look, and I had been asked to bring an 'edgy everyday outfit,' so I was wearing  Topshop Jamie ripped black jeans, a New Look cold shoulder crop top, heeled boots from George at Asda, and my H&M leather jacket. They curled the very front bit of my hair, and I think the makeup looks a lot scarier in my selfie, as it's makeup constructed to look good on a big proper camera.

There was a whole big set up of lights and now I understand what that little clicky thing they do in front of someone's face is (it measures the light) and we did a few poses. These are the only pictures that have been released so far, but Simon, the photographer, said that I was a natural. 

There was another model there too who had done proper modelling lots of times before, so her big suitcase of fancy modelling clothes threw me off a bit and was very intimidating! For a few minutes I felt like a little kid playing dress up, as she whipped out her 1970s Dior dress, and obviously she's better at modelling than me, but I shouldn't compare us, obviously, as this was my first ever try, and I did really enjoy it! My mum said my experience on stage might have helped with my posing, but being on stage never crossed my mind when I was doing it, I just followed directions... although I guess that is like being on stage!

 

The next look we did (I didn't have loads of time as I had to run off and get a train) was more glam, Aline (the makeup artist) did a really dark smokey eye and red lipstick, and I wore a bodycon dress with cut outs at the side. (not that you can see in this picture) This one I found harder as I was worrying more about whether I looked fat (I know it's stupid, I can't help it) but the pictures so far I think look amazing! This experience was definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone, and Simon has said he would love to work with me again, which is really exciting, although I'm definitely going to work out a bit more this week... 
I'm so glad I had to courage to go through with this, and although I got slightly intimidated by the other model (her pictures are INCREDIBLE, to be fair) I think I did really well for my first go at it, considering I never ever thought I would ever get to model for anything!
I think this is a pretty exciting adventure! 

Photography credit: Simon Blower